Nazira Rasol

It has been a wonderful, busy start to 2025. It has not been the easiest start, I must say, but every challenge presents itself as a blessing. I must always remind myself of that.

There are several habits I hope to try and keep up, like going to the gym (subscribed myself to BFT). I think the next step is to wean off going for BFT or go more regularly because it does burn a hole in my pocket if I don’t go often enough. Ideally, I want to head towards Anytime Fitness because it is near my house. It is definitely a self confidence thing though, because I see so many fit people in the gym and I’m nowhere near that. Then again, everyone’s on their own fitness journey and I’m just victimising myself and not going to the gym because of that.

For now, I will take a break from BFT from March till May, and decide on a gym plan later. I do need to start doing my own cardio and use the free stuff near the house like the community garden gym. Maybe slot in a swim or two during Ramadan. Still toying between the idea of AF or BFT when June comes… Convince me.

Work has been quite tough mentally. There are tons of priorities at work. Not surprising, because the work problems I deal with is something that brewed for many years and the gas is bursting at the seams. I’m still trying to see the big picture and trying to see potential solutions or workshopping the issue, even though I’m battling my own inner challenges like adapting to the company culture etc. One thing I’m truly grateful for is the supportive team and the open non-judgmental conversations that we have, which I realise is so so important to deconflict stuff at work. I still am learning to process things and separate biases from factual judgments and it’s a never ending journey.

I’m quite happy to say that I stayed for close to 36 weeks already in this job! And no thought of quitting, yet. That is quite interesting, since I usually have the thought of resigning when I worked in my previous two long stint jobs. I would probably attribute it to my previous workplace at the non-profit – my then-boss was really kind and mentored me on dealing with work and life. I am much calmer now, though sometimes I flare up from time to time. But it’s important to recognise my flaws and work through it (damn painful) rather than shoving it away. Quite happy with my emotional regulation, honestly.

Definitely my journey as a breadwinner and a caregiver for my mum helped too. She’s older now, and like many elderly, they tend to forget things. I am learning to be more patient and communicate clearly with her. These skills just help me a lot both in my personal life and work life.

Okay so uhm dating life? Nah, nothing at the moment. Not trying to put pressure on myself, but I think a love life isn’t what I’m looking for right now. Maybe I am, but I feel like I am lacking in so much – looks, finances, and personality. If it comes, it comes, really. For now, enjoy life for what it has to offer.

Song at the moment: ITZY’s Imaginary Friend

And here I am, typing away on a Saturday evening. My blog posts are few and far in between, I truly apologise for that. I haven’t been in the mood to write as I was either busy with work or busy with life.

Bike life

I recently went on a motorbike trip to Thailand with three friends from SGNC7 group – Malex, Hakim and Jiasen. It was Hakim and Jiasen’s first time to Thailand, so it was interesting to see how they reacted to this entire trip. Alhamdulillah, it was fine overall. Malex was saying that the trip went too smoothly, in comparison to the trip that we (Malex and I) went together back in May/June 2024. I really should go to Thailand more often, especially to Betong. The view there is spectacular. I also want to pack a trip to Terengganu again, but just not this year end due to the monsoon season.

Work Stuff

On the work front, I hit multiple roadblocks with regards to actually starting to do work. I painfully realised that skirting around the issue of writing was doing me a disfavour because the work that I needed to do 80% of the time was actually writing. I had to sit my butt down and really write – and no amount of procrastinating or Pair Intern (Whole of Govt’s version of ChatGPT) could save me. I had a heart-to-heart talk with one of my colleagues, who rightfully pointed out that I was more of an ops person. But that didn’t mean that this current job was not for me – it just meant that I had to work doubly hard on writing because it is the bread and butter of my job.

Not all is lost, however, because I made some changes to my life (see below). When I started the job, I wasn’t actually in the best frame of mind. Perhaps it was the imposter syndrome going on – why did my current company hire me, do I deserve to be here, and so on and so forth. There’s a lot of self-doubt, which I was experiencing ever since I started. As at writing, I am on Week 22.

Self Care and Personal Life

Thankfully, I decided to take a bit more action on caring for myself, cutting a few things out of my life and focusing on the things that truly matter. I made the (painful) choice of subscribing to a gym class membership (BFT). The first three weeks was brutal – getting up at 5.40am to get to a 6.15am class on weekdays. I refuse to weigh myself but I’m sure there are positive changes to myself – physically and mentally. It was quite interesting to really get to know more people too in the class, like Jaden, Ruth and surprisingly Hakim (yes the same Hakim who went to Thailand). I also got to spend more time with my uni senior Afi. Overall, it’s just strengthening existing friendships in a good way.

My personal life (other than motorbike) is rather peaceful. I’m quite thankful for that – no drama. Managed to spend more time with my mother on either day trips or just around Singapore. Though, one thing that has been on my mind is to make sure that the house is physically in a good state and elderly-proofed. There’s a lot of things I do want to get like a monitoring system so that my mother doesn’t do too many physically demanding things when I’m not around… I also spend more time with my siblings as well as my brothers-in-law, thankfully. Great that I can connect with Abg Aril about his work in ISEAS (and to a certain extent, about my current work too) and also with Abg Din on motorbikes. Quite thankful that they are family now and are reliable family figures I can depend on.

On the love front… well, after that Thailand trip, I decided to try being on dating apps again. It was quite interesting to hear Malex and Hakim’s stories haha. But this time, I don’t plan on making dating the centre of my life. I realised that meeting in person is still the best way to understand someone (platonic and romantic). No amount of texting can do that. Hopefully I can pick up some good conversations from the apps and/or just meet in person. I have a lot to learn about myself on the dating front and again, no amount of running away is going to help. One thing’s for sure – it’s alright if I don’t meet my partner in this life. 🙂

While I don’t want to prescribe my self to a strict archetype or personality type, I think there is some truth to it. My MBTI is an INTP, and it has always been INTP for the longest time.

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